The Red Turtle – Boring Is The Least Of It

Let’s start by saying there are only about five shots of the titular character – at least as a turtle. I knew better than to hope this movie was an animal fantasy film, which was good, because it wasn’t even really fantasy, more surreal satisfaction. Uncanny valleyish, actually. And not in a good way.

There is basically no story at all until about three quarters of the way through the film, and once there is, it just gets weird and, well, stupid. I knew that it wasn’t going to be my favourite film of all time when I realised Studio Ghibli was involved – I simply don’t get on that well with their storytelling style – but it you hadn’t known this was Studio Ghibli, you never would have guessed. What’s the opposite of putting all their previous work to shame? Well, it’s that.

I’d barely say there was character design or art style at all. More what you get when you have neither. The animation was . . . mostly walk cycles – you know what you’re supposed to avoid where you can as an animator because it’s boring to watch. A lot of the rest is repeats of previous action. The pacing is also incredibly slow, which doesn’t work well when everything else is so incredibly dulls-ville already. 

I gave up when the so-called protagonist just turned the turtle over and leaves it to die, because, that really makes us root for them, doesn’t it. The fact he regrets it, what, three days later, is hardly going to win back our sympathy. Then, turns out it was the right thing to do, because the turtle turns into a human. 

This fact alone would rile someone like me who, well, gets really peeved when you think the main characters – for once! – are animals, and then it turns round that the protagonists are the humans who own, ride them etc, but this is much, much worse. 

But that’s not even talking about the morality behind this, with the protagonist essentially being rewarded for doing something horrible, cruel, and, arguably, evil. Turns out he was meant to do it? Is that really likely? And something like that? That he just happened to do what he was meant to, oh, and that turtle lady is totally okay with it?

Oh, and in the end the guy just dies of old age, and the turtle becomes a turtle again and returns to the sea. Just when you thought you couldn’t get more unsatisfied. It actually expands your ability to feel emptiness. It’s not clever, it’s not well done in any way. If this is story someone made up, fire the guy. If this is a myth, make it feel more like a myth – it really doesn’t!

It really doesn’t help that this is one of many stranded on an island stories. I mean, you’re going to compare it to the likes of Robinson Crusoe, Lord Of The Flies, The Coral Island. I could go on. Not to mention there has now been an absolutely fabulous Kensuke’s Kingdom adaptation.

This is one of the most soul-sucking, pointless movies I have ever seen.